All I Need Is Her Eyes

Monday, November 9, 2009 |

I turned 18 today. I am an adult. I can make my own decisions  and my mother can't tell me to stop being a child. My sister turned 18 too. She is my twin , my mirror. We were both placed beside my mother a few moments apart. we were supposed to be normal.

17 years ago, today, she was diagnosed with Autism. It's a condition which develops impaired social interaction and development. I've tried to be her constant support since then. When people meet us , they look at us , they look at us with surprised eyes.

They ask me ,"How is it that you look the same and yet so different?" It's thier first impression.
"It's our eyes ," that's what I say. It's rehearsed. " Hers are filled with wisdom."
Because we are different , silly.Thats what her eyes say. thats her wisdom. I dont feel 18 today but she does. She doesn't say much . I can only see it in her eyes .

A  few years ago I came home very sad. A BOY i liked , I found out , had a crush on my best friend. I went to our shared room , sat on her bed and spoke with my head  in her lap. A few words , a few question. I looked up in her eyes.

He doesn't deserve u , my love. Find someone who does. I smiled at her widely that time , all my worries gone.

Today , I look in them for what maybe the millionth time in 17 years. I am searching for something that will be tell me everything will be okay. But today she wants answer from me. I have never been the wise one , sadly , I hold her hand and look into her eyes. They are glazed. And then slowly , they close. She has finnaly stopped struggling. She is gone.

I need my ryes back. I need my support back. But then , I've been given a lot by her to live by. I still look up at the sky , all I need is her eyes. It was the only difference. I look back and there are no people to ask me about her. I carry two souls in me now ; I will live what she couldn't. I , today , dedicate my life to her.

Miss you !!!

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